When a relationship ends, a romantic one to be exact, it is not your responsibility to heal the person you left. Removing yourself from a relationship that did not work out is a huge step. You also gave up a dream of sorts, you know. But truly the person hurting from your decision has to take a responsibility for their own healing and choose it firmly.
I was heartbroken and annihilated once. I though I would never come out of that state and love again per se. The journey took me a whole 7 years to get my healing. Because not even consciously, I held on and relived my misery, pain, and trauma over and over again. Then I gradually changed. It was hard, it is hard, very, very, very hard. I don’t try to make sense of the “intention” of the other person anymore above my own healing. I think that helps. No bad vibes. I am not like them and therefore I can’t relate ever. I never want to relate to being that dishonest by any means.
That’s why in this end of a relationship I know my intent is even now to heal not only for me but for my former partner. He is a genuine person, above all I value that the most. He will heal, I removed myself from his path to happiness, I sure hope that he can soon allow himself to move forward to benefit from any future love he can receive, build and nurture with the right person. This has been weighing on my spirit for a few days. It’s good to let it out.
Shit, I don’t even know if I have anymore left in me to feel that vulnerable again to fall in love…you know I am also healing. I know that I have traces though, of wanting to give love, but now is the time to be alone. To continue to love myself to not be needy or lost in another person, but fully fall deeply n love with myself to extend that with another.
In other news, my hair is not growing…my scalp is dandruff. Not sexy, I know. Help? I guess I need to help myself. Killing myself over making money to leave behind the unnerving traces of my former life was not easy. It’s done now. That’s something that I should remember.
I guess I’ll close out this post here.