For days now a possible posts have been brewing in my mind drafts of which have been patiently sitting in my blog’s storage. A life of a fruitfully thinking girl I suppose. The thoughts are endless and in a good way. Unfortunately, a bit of a delusion might have settled in as well with the coming cold which is attacking my immune system. If there is one “illness” I particularly unwelcome because it seems to me that it can definitely be avoided is anything related to catching the flu. But I am still well and grateful and will get better in no time. This is just a reminder to take better care of health. In the meantime I will blow my nose gently and drink plenty of fluids. Period.

This week my sister’s boyfriend and his twin brother have celebrated their 30th birthdays. I am particularly close with my sister’s boyfriend because well, he is like a big brother to me and over the years he has been a great friend even as our relationship has been undergoing rough patches at different times and even continents. Yes I fancy his kind and stubborn spirit quite a lot. Of course I have joked and teased him about the “you are so old now” fact but also someplace in there I dropped in a “this is such a blessing to get to this age in life.”

Age – such an obsessive notion sometimes, especially when focusing on the “numbers” as opposed to “wisdom, all of the treasured experiences accumulated in those years, the self-development” etc., as opposed to the physical and outwardly meaning of what an older age is. The sheer ability to get to such an age is a miracle and a blessing on their own. Especially in this world when at 13 years old you can be shot with 7 bullets piercing through your body for carrying a toy gun. Yes guns are evil in my opinion too and I will leave that discussion at rest here. May your Soul rest in Peace little Andy. Yet this is the world we live in and it is a frightening place. It is cold, it is heartless, it is frightened, it is rigid and utterly filled with people making deadly mistakes because in my humble observation they have not done soul searching to find themselves; and instead their are the living zombies. I pray in all forms for the humankind to embrace at some point in each person’s life to live a life which Dares Greatly embracing vulnerability and imperfections while living wholeheartedly and courageously. Thank you Dr. Brené Brown for bringing this vision forward and up for discussion to all of us.

And then I am back to the topic of age again. My aunt shared on facebook an article about a 90 year old phenomenal woman by the name of Phyllis Sues who embraces every bit of life and embodies what for me is an exemplary approach to living with a mantra of “There is no age, it’s living each moment to it’s fullest.” Because in reality life really is “in itself is a challenge and you can either, accept it and take action, or you can sit and do nothing. And I am also in the camp of not sitting and waiting for life to happen to me in some mysterious way and reveal itself in some unrealistic nature, no life always moves on (until we die) and then the events and happenings during our lifetimes vary with each stage accordingly. So when I read Sues say “My advice is there is only one winner: accept the challenge, take action and get on with your life no matter what age.” I accept her words wholeheartedly. But she doesn’t just stop there to be inspiring either.

“I started my own fashion label at 50, became a musician and learned Italian and French in my 70s, took tango and trapeze at 80 and walked into my first yoga class at 85. So, if you think you’re old, think again!” Limitations in the mind are trivial to our inner capacity, ability to enjoy life, and embrace our individuality I believe.

And Sues continues on with these emotional punch lines “I have realized, that anything is possible, if you like who you are and what you do. Yes, anything is possible and even probable….I admit, I’m driven but I’m driven by desire and that’s the formula. Desire is so powerful, like you are propelled as if from a canon. Desire to me is the driving force, but action is the result.

Self exploration in fact has always been and always will be a staple of my character. And when I read of the reflections of people like Phyllis who have lived life, yes lived life in all of it’s forms and fully embrace what life is all about – my mind and soul find comfort and hope that even in spite of the coldhardheartedness of our humanity one can still embrace themselves and graciously live an authentic life in the midst of it all.

Happy Birthday Misha and Boris and thank you Phyllis Sues.


Ageless Aging



The typos in my previous post will remain. They are funny actually. Moving along.

Some wisdom tidbits from yesterday “Divine timing – things happen at the right time” and “You are where you are supposed to be. ” And a thought that was in my head about the past……”I am where are am supposed to be and things went with the flow. The last night I spent the time with my ex was just like that. It felt amazing, being serene and calm, not the entire evening but there was a continuous moment when this was going on for – maybe a couple of hours or so. It was very foreign to me feeling this kind of inner peace and dynamic. Maybe I will talk about it some other day. Will you visit me in my dreams today A. ?

It is already Sunday morning. The earliest minutes of the last day of this week. It is already October 27 and November of 2013 is waiting to come out of the corner. Nearly 2 months ago (well we are getting there) I came back after one of the most trans formative experiences of my life. My life in Germany and a very influential and cherished time in Africa. On the 12 of September I finally arrived back in America. It was a long way, not the plane flight itself because that was the quickest part of it all, but booking the ticket and summing the courage to tie up the ends of my life abroad – now that was not easy. Numbers, time, life, moments……

These days I feel the changes. The inner changes in me – I have really stepped through the coveted doors of adulthood. Which is what I really wanted to reach. The inner changes in me are very evident to myself. I can feel, sense, and nearly touch my inner development into the me that I want to be. Catching myself when I am out of line and do not exhibit that which I really am…like the awful frustration that I felt on Friday morning due to some uncontrollable by me factors. I really did go off for several minutes, even maybe for an hour venting my frustration and jamming seemingly unconnected aspects of my life under the same umbrella in order to vent it all out. There was correlation though but not all very objective In the end I felt better but not without a price of having had an audience which might not truly understand that even in my venting mode, I could have a very healthy post self-analysis; part of it being reinforcing it here. I hope my sister will not judge me too much for that Friday moment.

So I just want to have it for the record for myself that I have some fascinating thoughts at times. In which I think of things in an unrestricted way, free and daring. But those moments are not everlasting…though they should be.

Last words before sleep then. Borrowed.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”