I’m Back

Though really I have written just in different places and spaces. Just went browsing down below to read my previous posts. It’s been a while. Like nearly 4 years while. In that time I have written in other spaces, the most prolonged one being my Peace Corps journals which have now vanished. Gratitude (with sarcasm and a sense of wanting to beat someone up) is given to the forces and circumstances which have led to their loss. Last August en route from Ghana to Berlin. I’m sure the customs at Tegel has enjoyed my private thoughts…fick dich (whoever) for enjoying them. Anyways, no need to get too much into that mood.

I haven’t written in ages online really. I think I’ve written a post not too long ago maybe in November of 2016 on one of my older blogs, but honestly I doubt I’ll go back to that site again. It carries too much of the past. Though my memory might not be too good, and this I do not say lightly, it truly is troubling when I’m exceptionally honest with myself, the point to which I recognize how short my memory is on things – it’s well alarming. Probably something I should look into checking while I have my health insurance before this new American regime continues it’s extermination and terrorization of my Brown existance. It’s the era of resistance. Anyways, it feels good to write actually. It really does.

Also while browsing through some emails an inspiration came to mind. I want to find a creative way to share and explore for myself my 1 year and 9 months in West Africa. A tumultuous experience really which ended in a way of being tossed away…. Perhaps a photo exhibition – with music….Ein Fotoausstellung…..something like that? Yeah? Yeah? I think I should do that….

Art and creativity heal after all, don’t they?

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Serving others (with gratitude and hunger) Serves Me

Another day has already begun. Days can begin with heavy thoughts and sensations sometime, but then you can re-focus on what is more important and the weight becomes less burdensome. I think this is called maturity or Divine Timing in people’s lives, when we can recognize these things from having paid attention to life’s daily lessons.

Also, today some years ago a very special woman was born. She grew to touch the lives of many and also my own. Today as always I extend my love to her through the distance of time and space as she is far away in Germany. I am grateful for her being and being in my life from an early age. Happy Birthday Susichka. You are a friend, a mother, a muse, a source of strength, joy, inspiration, and aspiration in my life. I am infinitely grateful for you in this world and your genuine spirit which you share so generously.

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“Giving to others through service is simply recognizing what you do best in any given moment and offering that as a gift to someone else.”

As the day goes on I will carry on today’s mediation core lesson “Serving others serves me.” Yes, this is my prayer. Always has been and I know will continue on to  however long my life will continue to go on. How do you serve you ask? By being yourself. Yes, by being the authentic, real genuine you. Understanding your own unique talent and sharing that with others. Are you a great hug giver, listener, mathematician, singer, writer, lover, cleaner and many other things? Yes, I am sure you are. I know I am a very loving, dedicated, genuinely sincere person who is imperfect and finds perfection in that. I see the imperfections of others too and love them dearly. I am blessed to have my doubts, confidence, fears, hopes and gratitude. I always have been and am hungry to exchange, share, give and receive. These things and more. Finding my purpose sharing it with others and receiving from the universe. That is me.

Today is the last day with my hair as well. A new journey is going to begin tomorrow. One of the best compliments I received was yesterday which went like this “You like change, I can see that in you.” Yes I embrace change and am on a continuous journey to embrace change without fear but pure anticipation and gratitude that it always brings, while being my authentic self.

I wish you all a wondrous day. In spite of dull and tough moments during the day which are bound to happen remember (and I will do the same very consciously and actively, I promise to myself); we can serve by simply and most importantly being the real wonderful ourselves, which we already are and can continue to uncover for as long as we are breathing in this world. And recognizing those whom we love and admire is a gift and yet another service which we receive. I am deeply grateful for everything.

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Just yesterday I was thinking and I think saw the original image of “Rosie the Riveter” figure with the famous slogan ”We Can Do It!” by J. Howard Miller. And as I have become utterly intrigued, and continuously inspired by the great blog Urbanbushbabes I just moments ago stumbled upon the post in which Cipriana (what a beautiful name, isn’t it?) recreated the image and applied it towards our Natural Hair Movement! Brilliant on so many levels. I have myself been contemplating what this movement means for us  the women of color. Gorgeous in all hues with absolutely astonishingly beautifully diverse hair textures, shapes, and volumes. My beauty standards have absolutely been undergoing a really big transformation these days, I have mentioned this before and I will continue to reinforce this realization further.

I am also toying with my own hair. I took out yet another braid out yet again. And gave myself a “cut” to achieve a shorter style. If there were no monetary constraints and NYC was not a bit far and did not require about two days off from work for me, I think my hair would have been cut already. But I am awful at planning trips as they give me some sort of anxiety and the money is a little tight right now. Plus, I do admit that I am having fun cutting my “braids” off in small installments. ImageIt’s actually really fun. So I will wait for the right moment and so far I am still shooting for the first week of December to embark on my natural hair journey with a big chop. Though I think I have been transitioning for a while now without even realizing it. 

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Since I am currently floating between two households as I am readjusting to my life back in the States from Berlin and the lack of my cozy and stable room of my own there, it is always a treat to come to a room of my own. In a rare moment when I watch the television, I watched yet another episode of Super Soul Sunday on OWN. A recorded show of course. As India Arie pointed out during her interview with Oprah – “Super Soul Sunday is the best show on television.” I think that’s what she said, maybe she was referring to the entire channel – on both counts of which she is supported by me. I am absolutely convinced that Super Soul Sunday is the best television show on television because it is genuine, uplifting, raw, spiritual and very real. It is genuine in the topics…it speaks directly to my intellect and soul. I am very grateful it is here and now.

So India did say a lot of things that also spoke directly to my soul. I just love the candid conversations in this show and how the guests “go there!” to open up and share their truths.

Life is beautiful. And so are these and many other affirmations.

“I am not  your expectations, no, no,

I am not my hair.

I am not this skin.

I am a Soul that lives within”

“Be clear about your intention and the Universe will meet you wherever you are

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On Serving….

“Service to others is the rent you pay for a room here on this Earth.”

— Shirley Chisholm
 
There is absolutely something healing and orgasmic about being of service and giving gratitude in this life. I am really grateful for feeling this and many new waves of gratifying moments in my life’s journey and at this stage. 
 
Last night I chopped off yet another portion of my braided hair. The feeling of short hair is feeling really right these days. 
 
November 11th will mark yet another opportunity to dive into the quietness and reflective gift of guided meditation. If you have not not signed up please try it out, you might find this very soothing to your own soul.
 
And speaking of time. November 7th is already here….2013 is gearing up for it’s farewell I am sure. 
 
Time. Life. Self. 
 
Giving gratitude is the constant. 
 
 
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Words

The typos in my previous post will remain. They are funny actually. Moving along.

Some wisdom tidbits from yesterday “Divine timing – things happen at the right time” and “You are where you are supposed to be. ” And a thought that was in my head about the past……”I am where are am supposed to be and things went with the flow. The last night I spent the time with my ex was just like that. It felt amazing, being serene and calm, not the entire evening but there was a continuous moment when this was going on for – maybe a couple of hours or so. It was very foreign to me feeling this kind of inner peace and dynamic. Maybe I will talk about it some other day. Will you visit me in my dreams today A. ?

It is already Sunday morning. The earliest minutes of the last day of this week. It is already October 27 and November of 2013 is waiting to come out of the corner. Nearly 2 months ago (well we are getting there) I came back after one of the most trans formative experiences of my life. My life in Germany and a very influential and cherished time in Africa. On the 12 of September I finally arrived back in America. It was a long way, not the plane flight itself because that was the quickest part of it all, but booking the ticket and summing the courage to tie up the ends of my life abroad – now that was not easy. Numbers, time, life, moments……

These days I feel the changes. The inner changes in me – I have really stepped through the coveted doors of adulthood. Which is what I really wanted to reach. The inner changes in me are very evident to myself. I can feel, sense, and nearly touch my inner development into the me that I want to be. Catching myself when I am out of line and do not exhibit that which I really am…like the awful frustration that I felt on Friday morning due to some uncontrollable by me factors. I really did go off for several minutes, even maybe for an hour venting my frustration and jamming seemingly unconnected aspects of my life under the same umbrella in order to vent it all out. There was correlation though but not all very objective In the end I felt better but not without a price of having had an audience which might not truly understand that even in my venting mode, I could have a very healthy post self-analysis; part of it being reinforcing it here. I hope my sister will not judge me too much for that Friday moment.

So I just want to have it for the record for myself that I have some fascinating thoughts at times. In which I think of things in an unrestricted way, free and daring. But those moments are not everlasting…though they should be.

Last words before sleep then. Borrowed.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

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