I’m Back

Though really I have written just in different places and spaces. Just went browsing down below to read my previous posts. It’s been a while. Like nearly 4 years while. In that time I have written in other spaces, the most prolonged one being my Peace Corps journals which have now vanished. Gratitude (with sarcasm and a sense of wanting to beat someone up) is given to the forces and circumstances which have led to their loss. Last August en route from Ghana to Berlin. I’m sure the customs at Tegel has enjoyed my private thoughts…fick dich (whoever) for enjoying them. Anyways, no need to get too much into that mood.

I haven’t written in ages online really. I think I’ve written a post not too long ago maybe in November of 2016 on one of my older blogs, but honestly I doubt I’ll go back to that site again. It carries too much of the past. Though my memory might not be too good, and this I do not say lightly, it truly is troubling when I’m exceptionally honest with myself, the point to which I recognize how short my memory is on things – it’s well alarming. Probably something I should look into checking while I have my health insurance before this new American regime continues it’s extermination and terrorization of my Brown existance. It’s the era of resistance. Anyways, it feels good to write actually. It really does.

Also while browsing through some emails an inspiration came to mind. I want to find a creative way to share and explore for myself my 1 year and 9 months in West Africa. A tumultuous experience really which ended in a way of being tossed away…. Perhaps a photo exhibition – with music….Ein Fotoausstellung…..something like that? Yeah? Yeah? I think I should do that….

Art and creativity heal after all, don’t they?

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For days now a possible posts have been brewing in my mind drafts of which have been patiently sitting in my blog’s storage. A life of a fruitfully thinking girl I suppose. The thoughts are endless and in a good way. Unfortunately, a bit of a delusion might have settled in as well with the coming cold which is attacking my immune system. If there is one “illness” I particularly unwelcome because it seems to me that it can definitely be avoided is anything related to catching the flu. But I am still well and grateful and will get better in no time. This is just a reminder to take better care of health. In the meantime I will blow my nose gently and drink plenty of fluids. Period.

This week my sister’s boyfriend and his twin brother have celebrated their 30th birthdays. I am particularly close with my sister’s boyfriend because well, he is like a big brother to me and over the years he has been a great friend even as our relationship has been undergoing rough patches at different times and even continents. Yes I fancy his kind and stubborn spirit quite a lot. Of course I have joked and teased him about the “you are so old now” fact but also someplace in there I dropped in a “this is such a blessing to get to this age in life.”

Age – such an obsessive notion sometimes, especially when focusing on the “numbers” as opposed to “wisdom, all of the treasured experiences accumulated in those years, the self-development” etc., as opposed to the physical and outwardly meaning of what an older age is. The sheer ability to get to such an age is a miracle and a blessing on their own. Especially in this world when at 13 years old you can be shot with 7 bullets piercing through your body for carrying a toy gun. Yes guns are evil in my opinion too and I will leave that discussion at rest here. May your Soul rest in Peace little Andy. Yet this is the world we live in and it is a frightening place. It is cold, it is heartless, it is frightened, it is rigid and utterly filled with people making deadly mistakes because in my humble observation they have not done soul searching to find themselves; and instead their are the living zombies. I pray in all forms for the humankind to embrace at some point in each person’s life to live a life which Dares Greatly embracing vulnerability and imperfections while living wholeheartedly and courageously. Thank you Dr. Brené Brown for bringing this vision forward and up for discussion to all of us.

And then I am back to the topic of age again. My aunt shared on facebook an article about a 90 year old phenomenal woman by the name of Phyllis Sues who embraces every bit of life and embodies what for me is an exemplary approach to living with a mantra of “There is no age, it’s living each moment to it’s fullest.” Because in reality life really is “in itself is a challenge and you can either, accept it and take action, or you can sit and do nothing. And I am also in the camp of not sitting and waiting for life to happen to me in some mysterious way and reveal itself in some unrealistic nature, no life always moves on (until we die) and then the events and happenings during our lifetimes vary with each stage accordingly. So when I read Sues say “My advice is there is only one winner: accept the challenge, take action and get on with your life no matter what age.” I accept her words wholeheartedly. But she doesn’t just stop there to be inspiring either.

“I started my own fashion label at 50, became a musician and learned Italian and French in my 70s, took tango and trapeze at 80 and walked into my first yoga class at 85. So, if you think you’re old, think again!” Limitations in the mind are trivial to our inner capacity, ability to enjoy life, and embrace our individuality I believe.

And Sues continues on with these emotional punch lines “I have realized, that anything is possible, if you like who you are and what you do. Yes, anything is possible and even probable….I admit, I’m driven but I’m driven by desire and that’s the formula. Desire is so powerful, like you are propelled as if from a canon. Desire to me is the driving force, but action is the result.

Self exploration in fact has always been and always will be a staple of my character. And when I read of the reflections of people like Phyllis who have lived life, yes lived life in all of it’s forms and fully embrace what life is all about – my mind and soul find comfort and hope that even in spite of the coldhardheartedness of our humanity one can still embrace themselves and graciously live an authentic life in the midst of it all.

Happy Birthday Misha and Boris and thank you Phyllis Sues.

Ageless Aging

Aside