Sat. Chit. Ananda. – Life in a Concious State

Yes I have to learn to sleep better. Well the night before I sort of got a bit overjoyed with dancing and watching my very cherished recorded shows. I succumb to watching very few hours of television which I have with years increasingly abandoned. I am ferociously selective about what I spend my time on watch. These days it is the OWN network, with Super Soul Sunday talks, and random but very enriching selections of shows. Conclusions from last night: I must take on dance lessons or rent a studio to simply go and dance occasionally, Ms. Patty Labelle is amazing and Black Girls and Women Rock. And most importantly I am beyond blessed to have been born a brown woman. Period. My exploration of self and femininity has been tremendously enriched by millions of daily events and happenings. I am infinitely blessed. Needless to say one thing led to another and I stayed up way too long and did not get proper sleep. Yet it was all worth it.

Then dreams were strange too, but their strangeness no longer alarms me. I have a vivid imaginations to say the least. I think there was a robbery involved, potentially a scene from my last relationship and something else. The memory is already faded. I woke up twice, hit the alarm twice more and woke up 20 minutes in time for my bus ride to work. So I thought….of course the notoriously reliable bus has left 10 or so minutes before it’s scheduled time. My day began with a bump. I got a ride to the next bus and hopped on gladly. I cherish this moment of stillness and reflection that bus rides offer. Call me strange, but I find therapy in this.

On the bus ride, there was an intense moment of feeling life in a very conscious way going on when I was caught by a little girl looking at me. We smiled at each other and felt serene. My thoughts then took me to gratitude. I sincerely felt my powerfulness in being awake to what living means. Being in the present, free from the past, and un-expecting of the future. Of course I believe in striving to and having a goal for the future, but how it unveils should not be suffocated by our expectations. I felt all that and more and some tears just dripped for a moment. My consciousness and self felt intense sense of serenity, gratitude, and humbleness by everything around. The people on the bus, the views out of the windows, the going to work, the struggles, the optimism, the gift of life and my personal greatness. I am so powerful, not in a pompous way but in a way that should be utterly acknowledged first and foremost by myself. Work began with many bumps today but at the end of the day and as I am writing with the laptop in my laps way past my bedtime; I am still eternally grateful for everything.

I should sleep now. Meditation day 4 will usher me into sleep and in a few hours my first gig as an ESOL teacher.

 

Namaste.

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Just yesterday I was thinking and I think saw the original image of “Rosie the Riveter” figure with the famous slogan ”We Can Do It!” by J. Howard Miller. And as I have become utterly intrigued, and continuously inspired by the great blog Urbanbushbabes I just moments ago stumbled upon the post in which Cipriana (what a beautiful name, isn’t it?) recreated the image and applied it towards our Natural Hair Movement! Brilliant on so many levels. I have myself been contemplating what this movement means for us  the women of color. Gorgeous in all hues with absolutely astonishingly beautifully diverse hair textures, shapes, and volumes. My beauty standards have absolutely been undergoing a really big transformation these days, I have mentioned this before and I will continue to reinforce this realization further.

I am also toying with my own hair. I took out yet another braid out yet again. And gave myself a “cut” to achieve a shorter style. If there were no monetary constraints and NYC was not a bit far and did not require about two days off from work for me, I think my hair would have been cut already. But I am awful at planning trips as they give me some sort of anxiety and the money is a little tight right now. Plus, I do admit that I am having fun cutting my “braids” off in small installments. ImageIt’s actually really fun. So I will wait for the right moment and so far I am still shooting for the first week of December to embark on my natural hair journey with a big chop. Though I think I have been transitioning for a while now without even realizing it. 

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Since I am currently floating between two households as I am readjusting to my life back in the States from Berlin and the lack of my cozy and stable room of my own there, it is always a treat to come to a room of my own. In a rare moment when I watch the television, I watched yet another episode of Super Soul Sunday on OWN. A recorded show of course. As India Arie pointed out during her interview with Oprah – “Super Soul Sunday is the best show on television.” I think that’s what she said, maybe she was referring to the entire channel – on both counts of which she is supported by me. I am absolutely convinced that Super Soul Sunday is the best television show on television because it is genuine, uplifting, raw, spiritual and very real. It is genuine in the topics…it speaks directly to my intellect and soul. I am very grateful it is here and now.

So India did say a lot of things that also spoke directly to my soul. I just love the candid conversations in this show and how the guests “go there!” to open up and share their truths.

Life is beautiful. And so are these and many other affirmations.

“I am not  your expectations, no, no,

I am not my hair.

I am not this skin.

I am a Soul that lives within”

“Be clear about your intention and the Universe will meet you wherever you are

Aside

On Serving….

“Service to others is the rent you pay for a room here on this Earth.”

— Shirley Chisholm
 
There is absolutely something healing and orgasmic about being of service and giving gratitude in this life. I am really grateful for feeling this and many new waves of gratifying moments in my life’s journey and at this stage. 
 
Last night I chopped off yet another portion of my braided hair. The feeling of short hair is feeling really right these days. 
 
November 11th will mark yet another opportunity to dive into the quietness and reflective gift of guided meditation. If you have not not signed up please try it out, you might find this very soothing to your own soul.
 
And speaking of time. November 7th is already here….2013 is gearing up for it’s farewell I am sure. 
 
Time. Life. Self. 
 
Giving gratitude is the constant. 
 
 
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